I had issues MUCH like Jamisings growing up, perhaps lesser in some ways, and perhaps worse in some ways! But fortune, gender difference, psychological research and counseling, medical treatment, good friends, and a deep-down feeling that it all wasn't for nothing; that "I ain't going out like that," helped me get over all of that.(Well, maybe not ALL of it, but the battle scars give me character). I will NEVER be 100 percent of what "mentally happy" people that I've met seem to be, but do I want to be? Do I really want a totally pain-free, smiles-all-the-time life? Would I be any good to anyone if I did?
I'm a believer in the old adage "what doesn't kill you can make you stronger." The emphasis is on the word CAN, as sufferings can also beat someone down into hopelessness and timidity.
I have never been shy about the fact that I was a fat kid - one of the very fattest in my class for a number of years - who decided to do something about it. I was also a sweater (not the wearing kind, the drippy kind). In fact, it was so bad that my teacher told me in maybe second or third grade to NOT move during recess so I wouldn't sweat and smell. Nice, right? I got picked on incessantly. I often fought back. One time, in fifth grade, I had the majority of boys picking a fight with me -- all at the same time. That was the breaking point where my mom actually spoke to the principal and teacher. Of course that didn't go well with the class.
Anyway, for the summer of fifth grade and before sixth grade I decided to do something about my weight. I went on my own diet by eating less. I lost the weight and soon became a very skinny kid. From 13 on I got interested in lifting weights, getting serious around 15 and really serious around 18. I haven't looked back since.
Around age 11 I developed a stutter, though I suppose a more proper term is disfluency--I have trouble getting words out, especially at the start of a sentence. This of course is worsened when I'm under stress or pressure, but sadly is also a major factor when I'm tired in any way, which of course is often. By the time of high school and even through four years of college, I could hardly get a word out. I went to speech therapy around 18 or so, which helped a little, but I eventually stopped going. I have it under control myself now to a degree, but it's still there and frustrates me to no end. While I'm not one of those people who would ever change anything about my life, I sometimes wonder how my life had been and would be if I were a "normal" speaker. I feel like the world wouldn't know what to do with me! ;-)
I always had unusual hair as a kid, where I couldn't do anything with it other than part it to the side because I would look kind of balding otherwise. I parted it down the middle for a while, but it didn't look right and I got teased.
I had bad skin into my 20s, both acne and severely dry skin. I still suffer from dry skin and need to moisturize, particularly my face.
So I guess my point is, I've gone through my fair share of crap too, some serious, some not so, but yeah, I do know some of what she's gone through and is going through. I feel like she's in such a deep, dark place and I would love to be able to help her, but she doesn't want help. She's beyond that point. She wants fixes that are not of her own doing. My point was, there are things she can do outside of fixing her scarring and other cosmetic issues and address things like her weight herself, without liposuction. I was trying to say she should find the strength to do so from somewhere, whether it was within or without. I mentioned the religious thing because she mentioned it in many places, not just the place that Matt found. My other point was was that she has many, many issues and needs to have that cliched "foundation" before embarking on things like cosmetic surgery, which I feel will NOT make her happier in any way. The cosmetic surgery should the last step in the process to feeling good about herself mentally and physically.
Rowdy Rob wrote:
Let me say that the subject "should teenagers ever get plastic surgery?" is an ethical/philosophical argument that can be separated from the "self esteem" issue you have brought up. I agree with you in the "fight back, make yourself all you can be" approach to EARNING your self esteem, rather than having someone patronize you into feeling better. But I also feel that plastic surgery is an option for deformative conditions that cannot be fixed through exercise or general medical treatment. In the teenage years, where much of "who you are" is forming, imagine having all kinds of physical deformity issues! Correct them if you can in these youths, I say, if there's no other viable alternatives. Would you really let your kids suffer through such things if there are corrective procedures? I'm not talking "big nose" or other such minor things, I'm talking cleft palates, male breasts, serious skin conditions, or other such things that alter your appearance.
And liposuction for teens? No.
That was the consensus. For deformities, yes, but for a big nose or body fat, no. The big nose thing can be addressed when the person is of age and the body fat thing should be addressed in the "eat less and exercise more" category. For some liposuction is needed and works, but it's very, very dangerous.
As for your comment about me having help along the way during my own journey, yes, absolutely. However, to be crude for a moment, I had to get my own shit in order myself before that outside support system would really become effective. Again, I had to look within and systematically address what was "wrong" until I reached a "happy" place. Certainly, for all of their faults (as we all have), my parents did a good job with support, particularly my mom, and that has continued with my wife. And of course there are certain things that I do for the benefit of others as well, and that is now taken to the next step with my kids. That's all motivation and support for wanting more and doing the best you can.
I had issues MUCH like Jamisings growing up, perhaps lesser in some ways, and perhaps worse in some ways! But fortune, gender difference, psychological research and counseling, medical treatment, good friends, and a deep-down feeling that it all wasn't for nothing; that "I ain't going out like that," helped me get over all of that.(Well, maybe not ALL of it, but the battle scars give me character). I will NEVER be 100 percent of what "mentally happy" people that I've met seem to be, but do I want to be? Do I really want a totally pain-free, smiles-all-the-time life? Would I be any good to anyone if I did?
I'm a believer in the old adage "what doesn't kill you can make you stronger." The emphasis is on the word CAN, as sufferings can also beat someone down into hopelessness and timidity.
I have never been shy about the fact that I was a fat kid - one of the very fattest in my class for a number of years - who decided to do something about it. I was also a sweater (not the wearing kind, the drippy kind). In fact, it was so bad that my teacher told me in maybe second or third grade to NOT move during recess so I wouldn't sweat and smell. Nice, right? I got picked on incessantly. I often fought back. One time, in fifth grade, I had the majority of boys picking a fight with me -- all at the same time. That was the breaking point where my mom actually spoke to the principal and teacher. Of course that didn't go well with the class.
Anyway, for the summer of fifth grade and before sixth grade I decided to do something about my weight. I went on my own diet by eating less. I lost the weight and soon became a very skinny kid. From 13 on I got interested in lifting weights, getting serious around 15 and really serious around 18. I haven't looked back since.
Around age 11 I developed a stutter, though I suppose a more proper term is disfluency--I have trouble getting words out, especially at the start of a sentence. This of course is worsened when I'm under stress or pressure, but sadly is also a major factor when I'm tired in any way, which of course is often. By the time of high school and even through four years of college, I could hardly get a word out. I went to speech therapy around 18 or so, which helped a little, but I eventually stopped going. I have it under control myself now to a degree, but it's still there and frustrates me to no end. While I'm not one of those people who would ever change anything about my life, I sometimes wonder how my life had been and would be if I were a "normal" speaker. I feel like the world wouldn't know what to do with me! ;-)
I always had unusual hair as a kid, where I couldn't do anything with it other than part it to the side because I would look kind of balding otherwise. I parted it down the middle for a while, but it didn't look right and I got teased.
I had bad skin into my 20s, both acne and severely dry skin. I still suffer from dry skin and need to moisturize, particularly my face.
So I guess my point is, I've gone through my fair share of crap too, some serious, some not so, but yeah, I do know some of what she's gone through and is going through. I feel like she's in such a deep, dark place and I would love to be able to help her, but she doesn't want help. She's beyond that point. She wants fixes that are not of her own doing. My point was, there are things she can do outside of fixing her scarring and other cosmetic issues and address things like her weight herself, without liposuction. I was trying to say she should find the strength to do so from somewhere, whether it was within or without. I mentioned the religious thing because she mentioned it in many places, not just the place that Matt found. My other point was was that she has many, many issues and needs to have that cliched "foundation" before embarking on things like cosmetic surgery, which I feel will NOT make her happier in any way. The cosmetic surgery should the last step in the process to feeling good about herself mentally and physically.
Let me say that the subject "should teenagers ever get plastic surgery?" is an ethical/philosophical argument that can be separated from the "self esteem" issue you have brought up. I agree with you in the "fight back, make yourself all you can be" approach to EARNING your self esteem, rather than having someone patronize you into feeling better. But I also feel that plastic surgery is an option for deformative conditions that cannot be fixed through exercise or general medical treatment. In the teenage years, where much of "who you are" is forming, imagine having all kinds of physical deformity issues! Correct them if you can in these youths, I say, if there's no other viable alternatives. Would you really let your kids suffer through such things if there are corrective procedures? I'm not talking "big nose" or other such minor things, I'm talking cleft palates, male breasts, serious skin conditions, or other such things that alter your appearance.
And liposuction for teens? No.
That was the consensus. For deformities, yes, but for a big nose or body fat, no. The big nose thing can be addressed when the person is of age and the body fat thing should be addressed in the "eat less and exercise more" category. For some liposuction is needed and works, but it's very, very dangerous.
As for your comment about me having help along the way during my own journey, yes, absolutely. However, to be crude for a moment, I had to get my own shit in order myself before that outside support system would really become effective. Again, I had to look within and systematically address what was "wrong" until I reached a "happy" place. Certainly, for all of their faults (as we all have), my parents did a good job with support, particularly my mom, and that has continued with my wife. And of course there are certain things that I do for the benefit of others as well, and that is now taken to the next step with my kids. That's all motivation and support for wanting more and doing the best you can.
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Bill Loguidice, Managing Director | Armchair Arcade, Inc.
[About Me]
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Bill Loguidice, Managing Director
Armchair Arcade, Inc.