This is pretty good. A nice idea and the story is told very well. I like the sequence in which it unrolls.
The only criticism is maybe Matt tried too hard with the similes at the start of the story. For example, things like : "Memories fell like drops of colored water on glass." and "The odor stabbed into his nostrils like Q-tips smeared with feces. " appear a wee bit too often too close together. I've no problem with them being there, or with the quality of them - just the amount and rhythm of them. This tends to not be a problem later in the story - maybe Matt's enthusiasm at the start?
An excellent effort though. Certainly better than anything I have ever tried to produce in the past. I have read a lot of sci-fi short stories and if the small problem I mentioned was watered down, it would not be out of place in anthologies I have read.
I like sci-fi short stories. Always have.
This is pretty good. A nice idea and the story is told very well. I like the sequence in which it unrolls.
The only criticism is maybe Matt tried too hard with the similes at the start of the story. For example, things like : "Memories fell like drops of colored water on glass." and "The odor stabbed into his nostrils like Q-tips smeared with feces. " appear a wee bit too often too close together. I've no problem with them being there, or with the quality of them - just the amount and rhythm of them. This tends to not be a problem later in the story - maybe Matt's enthusiasm at the start?
An excellent effort though. Certainly better than anything I have ever tried to produce in the past. I have read a lot of sci-fi short stories and if the small problem I mentioned was watered down, it would not be out of place in anthologies I have read.